Rankings Review, Sept. 8...

New AP and coaches rankings keep USC No. 1 and set up a titanic (and probably over by the first half of the first quarter) clash with No. 5 Ohio State on Saturday, but some movement in the trenches deserves commentary.

The biggest change is East Carolina up to No. 14, a ranking sure to fall once they grow overconfident and lose to some random team in Conference USA later on in the season. (Note the disparity between the writers and coaches... The coaches have East Carolina at No. 20, a nod to the fact that, on a good day and with a couple of breaks, you and your buddies could knock off this team.) West Virginia, meanwhile, dropped Clemson-style as they should.

Notes from the other votes: Rice, barely 2-0, gets a vote in the AP poll. Why that is? We're talking about the school in Houston, right? Along the same lines, Notre Dame, who is lucky to be 1-0 following a barely-win against football juggernaut San Diego State, gets three votes in the coaches poll. That said, I do like QB Jimmy Clausen's new quasi-Joe-Dirt-mullet haircut. You should see it in high def. Might as well wheel your double-wide onto the 50 yard line, Jimbo.

Teams most likely to keep moving up because they are playing cupcakes: Oregon, Kansas, Fresno State.

Teams most likely to drop because their schedules are hard as crap: Georgia, Ohio State, Alabama.

New Colts Stadium Thoughts: Not so much, to be honest. I don't like the diagonal layout. All of Indianapolis is on a grid, except for this huge stadium. If I were God, I'd take my giant hands and straighten that sucker up so that it's parallel with nearby West and Illinois streets. Also, that field turf they put in there... It looks ratty already. You've got an open roof, Indy. For the love of lawncare, spend some extra money to put in a fescue-ryegrass mix.

Key to stopping Peyton Manning: The Chicago Bears figured it out last night. It's pretty simple. Wait until Peyton has off-season knee surgery, then blitz him relentlessly during the very first game he's back when he hasn't thrown a football in nine months. You just might be able to hold him to 258 yards and one touchdown and win the game by scoring a fluke defensive touchdown and a safety. Lovie Smith, heck of a game plan (The padawan learner has become the teacher, Master Jedi Dungy. Hwang. Hwang. Whoosh. Kerplunk.)

Who should the Patriots bring in to replace Tom Brady? My first choice would be a cyborg Tom Brady or God. But if they aren't in the cards, I would say either black-suit Spiderman, Peyton Manning circa 2005, Matt Ryan in about four years, Jet Li with superpowers like in The Mummy 3 or Tiger Woods if he threw a football and didn't have a gimpy knee. Man, the Pats are screwed.