Ted's first takes...

"What we learned..." is coming soon. In the meantime, let's play a little phrase association.

Notre Dame: Jimmy Clausen: no more mullet, no more turnovers.

Wake Forest: Like I said, short sell them.

Florida State: Thank god for the defense.

Georgia: No-show Moreno.

Alabama: Nick Saban is Darth Sidious.

Penn State: Impressive, but still padawan learners among the elite.

Oklahoma: The new "USC," sans the beaches and coolness.

Arkansas: Which franchise will Bobby Petrino ruin next?

East Carolina: Skip, time to make an appointment with Dr. Lou.

Florida: Overconfidence 101.

Michigan: Somebody stop them before they get any better.

Washington State: Somebody stop them before they get any worse.

Clemson: I smell Chick-fil-A. Again.

Digging a hole

TO: June Jones, Pete Carroll
FROM: Ian
CC: Bob Toledo, Mike Riley
DATE: Sept. 26
RE: Last night's games

In case you've forgotten, football games are four quarters long. Not one, not two. Four. All four of your teams' performances demonstrate a need for some reminders.

June, I'm worried about you. You've put all your eggs in the hands of a kid who last year was more worried about how big a mum he was going to have to buy than he was about getting embarrassed on national television. Don't worry, though. I'll still keep sipping your Kool Aid. Please, however, find a secondary over the next year. And your lines could use some bulk.

Pete, you know I can't lecture you too much. But now you're down to wishin' and hopin' for nine weeks of upsets. Gonna be watching a little more of the Big 12 and SEC than you had planned, I'm sure.

Here's the problem -- and this applies to Bob and Mike, as well. All four of your teams essentially played a half last night. Tulane and Oregon State each won the first half, while SMU and USC won your second halves. Thankfully for the home crowds, that first half provided a big enough edge.

The work plan: More tape for all of you, especially SMU and USC. You're not going to be able to rely on the halftime adjustments all year. Especially you, SMU -- holding Tulane to just a field goal in the second half? Impressive. Four touchdowns and a field goal in the first? Not so much.

Finally, a special note for you, June: To run an offense based on the pass, your receivers have to catch the balls thrown to them. Especially the ones that hit them in the hands. I'm sure you run plenty of drills, but throw in a few more. You've got an extra couple days this week to get ready for Central Florida, so good luck.

The Crystal Ball smells autumn...

What does Oregon State's upset of USC mean for the weekend? More upsets? Or do the entrenched powers dig in to make sure it doesn't happen to them?

Maryland at Clemson. A big one for Ted Kim-Boston College-ACC Atlantic Division purposes. Maryland is playing well, but Clemson always plays better when they rub that rock and run down that hill at home. Advantage Tigers.

North Carolina at Miami. Time to see how far North Carolina has come. Miami is brimming with confidence after their thrashing of Texas A&M. Speed on offense is the difference here. Miami wins.

Arkansas at Texas. Arkansas will put up a better fight than they did last week against Alabama, but the Razorbacks are no match for Texas, especially in Austin.

Ole Miss at Florida. Ole Miss will give Florida more than the Gators bargained for. But Florida is virtually unbeatable at home with Tim Tebow at quarterback.

Colorado vs. Florida State (in Jacksonville). Florida State's defense is stout and will get to Colorado QB Cody Hawkins all game long. The Seminoles have had problems moving the ball, but I think they will be able to move it enough to win.

TCU at Oklahoma. TCU is solid, but Oklahoma is on upset watch since the Horned Frogs beat the Sooners in Norman just a few years ago. I think TCU keeps it close, but Oklahoma pulls away in the second half.

Virginia Tech at Nebraska. Another measuring-stick game for two teams that are works-in-progress. Who wins the trench battle? That's the key. Nebraska has only played cupcakes, while Virginia Tech has already played some tough teams. If the Hokies get consistent quarterback play, they win handily.

Illinois at Penn State. Penn State wants to show that their blowout of newly resurgent Oregon State a few weeks ago was no fluke. The Crystal Ball foresees the Nittany Lions teeing off on Illini QB Juice Williams and unleashing their new Spread HD offense for 50-plus points.

Alabama at Georgia. Holy smackdown. Mid-game adjustments will be key. We all know that Georgia's offense is stupendously talented. That said, the Bulldog O' doesn't match up well with Alabama. Georgia's weakness is its young offensive line, while 'Bama's strength is its D. In many ways, Georgia is but a more talented version of Clemson: talent at the skill positions, but a young line. Tide Coach Nick Saban, I think, will blitz Georgia to kingdom come and have some surprises on offense. Can Georgia adjust? My sense is not in time. 'Bama pulls off the road upset.

Eager beavers spring a trap...

Congratulations are in order for Oregon State, which somehow accomplished Mission Impossible and knocked off God's team, USC...

There are game plans and there are game plans. And then there's the beefy stew that Beavers coach Mike Riley cooked up for the Trojans.

Riley mixed short passes and screens with a well-choreographed running attack. Excellent blocking by both the line and wide receivers; quick, almost draw-like handoffs from the quarterback; and plenty of cutbacks by speedy midget RB Jacquizz Rodgers helped the ground cause. All of it was executed well and, combined, achieved something I never thought possible: It neutralized USC's tremendous team speed and strength.

On defense, the Beavers kept two safeties deep to shield themselves against any bombs and forced USC QB Mark Sanchez to scramble out of the pocket constantly. The Oregon Ducks used a similar scheme to upset Sanchez and the Trojans last year in Eugene.

Leave it to the Beavers to rip off their archrivals for strategy and pull off the unlikeliest of wins. Let's hope the upset portends a great weekend of college football ahead. The Crystal Ball thinks it does. Predictions soon.

Why Detroit is losing money.

I've figured out why Toyota and other carmakers are beating the pants off of Detroit, and Ford, in particular. Loyalty.

In this new world of changing global markets, Detroit is the epitome of old school. It's where pickup trucks, auto unions and cigar-chomping executives still rule the roost. That is changing, but it's changing sooo very slowly. And, so, Ford and the others are being left behind.

Sounds abstract, I know. But translate Ford's lack of success to the football team in which Ford has deep ties, the Lions, and the stuck-in-the-mud mentality becomes so very obvious.

The Lions finally (finally!), after seven years of suffering, have fired team president Matt Millen. Nothing against Mr. Millen himself, but in what other business would such futility be rewarded with such continuity?

Under Mr. Millen's seven-year stewardship, the Lions averaged just over four wins a season. That's worse than anybody over that period, even the woeful Raiders. Mr. Millen's first round draft picks since 2002 went like this: QB Joey Harrington, WR Charles Rogers, WR Roy Williams, WR Mike Williams, LB Ernie Sims, WR Calvin Johnson, T Gosder Cherilus. Think about that list... C.J. is a fantasy stud, yes. But four first-round wideouts since 2003? What kind of buffoonery is that? Exactly what kind of offense did Mr. Millen have in mind? A no-running-back, six-wide-out bomb fest?

It's clear to me that Harrington's failure to pan out really hurt the Lions. If all went according to plan, ol' Joseph would have been reaching his prime right about now and the Lions, at the very least, would be mediocre instead of really bad. But franchises live and die by who they draft and the Lions should have seen this coming a long time ago.

I used to be of the mind that loyalty is everything in sports. Cal Ripken belongs in Baltimore, Brett Favre in Green Bay, M.J. in Chicago. Certain exceptional cases will still resonate like that. But like it or not, we have entered a new time and place. Free agency. Eat or be eaten. Multi-million dollar contracts. Loyalty? Save it for something else. In pro sports, loyalty is just an excuse for failing to act.

Buy me, sell me...

If only the Fed would bail out West Virginia, Rutgers, Arkansas and Washington from total collapse. Alas...

Time to buy:

Trips to the Downtown Athletic Club if you're USC. The Crystal Ball foresees at least two USC Trojans being invited to the Heisman Trophy ceremony later this year: WR Joe McKnight and QB Mark Sanchez. If sports inertia continues, these two will combine for gazillions of touchdowns before December rolls around.

West Virginia. They are in the toilet at 1-2, I know. But they are better than they've been playing. And, aside from a tough home test against Auburn, it's downhill sledding from here. The Crystal Ball thinks Pat White and the boys will get it going soon.

The Triple Option offense. Georgia Tech is using it to great effect in the ACC. The Dolphins used a version of it to surprise the Patriots. Maybe the days of the single wing attack aren't dead after all.

Time to sell:

Patriot defense. I didn't mind the sputtering play of Patriots QB Matt Cassel as much as I did the Dolphins ripping of the Pat D. If you can't stop the Dolphins from putting up 38 on you, the chances for a good season are pretty much slim to none.

The Carrier Dome. Once feared by visitors, the indoor House of Pain for the Syracuse Orange is but a shadow of its former self. When packed, it's the loudest place to play in college football. But with the 'Cuse struggling, the domed stadium these days resembles a YMCA on a Tuesday night.

Connecticut. If only the Huskie football team could freeze time. They're undefeated at 4-0. But the schedule will soon toughen. No more Baylors and Virginias to beat up on. Enjoy your time in the "other votes," fellas. The Crystal Ball senses a bowl in Charlotte.

If I were a Wall Street man, I would short sell...

Cowboys QB Tony Romo. He's an absolute stud, I know. But I get the sense the magic is wearing off a little. Yes, his offensive line is like the Great Wall and he's still eerily calm in the pocket most times. But teams are starting to figure him out. The number of boneheaded plays is on the rise and he always seems pressured to get Terrell Owens the ball. I think it all makes for trouble ahead.

I think I'm gonna squeal...

Non Football Thought:

I wanted to take a moment to recognize today's high definition release of The Godfather Trilogy. Fully restored print. Pristine 1080-progressive resolution. Lossless Dolby TrueHD sound. Original 1.78:1 aspect ratio.

(moment of silence)

To say that today is an exciting day in the world of Ted Kim would be an understatement.

The Agony Meter...

A glance at how our alma maters are faring after week four.

Lots o' agony: Arizona State

Not even 99-degree weather could derail the Georgia Bulldogs from mashing Arizona State into a pile of bloody entrails. And on network television, too, with the all-important Kirk Herb watching. The Sun Devils were a heavy underdog, yes. And the vistas from the Outback Steakhouse blimp made Tempe look very pretty. But for ASU fans, the loss still sucked to watch.

Definitely more than a little agony: Southern Methodist

Another decapitation and another he-makes-me-wanna-gouge-my-eyeballs-out performance by freshman QB Bo Levi Mitchell. I was never a close observer of Hawaii football, but I can't ever remember Colt Brennan or Timmy Chang looking this bad.

A dash of agony: Boston College

The Eagles put the kibosh on Central Florida at home. But c'mon, beating UCF is about as satisfying as eating McDonalds every day for a month. B.C.'s starting QB looked like a ham sandwich running the offense, while the Eagle kicker missed one from inside the 10. And with few cupcake games left, it will soon be time to run for the hills.

On the tube: Week 5

Let's call this Blowout Week. Because it ain't gonna be pretty.

Weekly warmup: If you're looking for firepower, watch Thursday's USC-Oregon State game (8 p.m., ESPN). Still wondering how the Trojans got booted to the midweek prime time slot. For a more competitive game, see UConn at Louisville (7 p.m. Friday, ESPN2). And still waiting to see whether I'll be able to watch my Mustangs visit the Tulane Green Wave (7 p.m. Thursday, CBSC).

Top o' the morning: You who follow the ACC will want to check out North Carolina at Miami (11 a.m., ESPN2). Will the Canes continue with the fast-paced beatdown they put on Texas A&M? Are the Tar Heels finally rebuilding on the gridiron? My bet's on Miami here.

Cadets vs. the Corps: We have real soldiers against wannabe ones as Army visits Texas A&M (11:30 a.m., Versus). Two bad teams, two storied histories. I'm still waiting for the Bottom of the Barrel Bowl between perennial losers Army and SMU.

Ham sandwich time: Hurricane Ike put off the inevitable, but the butcher's bill comes due this weekend as Arkansas visits Texas (2:30 p.m., ABC). Looking at the pig sooey schedule, I'm left wondering whether they'll win another game this year.

SEC smackdown: The Crimson Tide face their toughest challenge yet, visiting Georgia (6:45 p.m., ESPN). Both teams begin to run the gauntlet of their conference schedules. Look for some major shuffling of the Top 10 after this matchup.

The rest:
Maryland at Clemson (11 a.m., ESPN Gameplan): Another Terp win could throw the ACC Atlantic into turmoil, while finally sealing the deal on the Tigers' bowl prospects.
Colorado at Florida State (2:30 p.m., ABC/ESPN): The Buffs toughed one out last week at home. The Seminoles are looking for offense.
Fresno State at UCLA (2:30 p.m., ABC/ESPN): To quote Ted Kim, "Hats off to Fresno State. They play anyone, anywhere and at any time." This week, it's off to Pasadena.
Purdue at Notre Dame (2:30 p.m., NBC): Who limps worse? Charlie Weis or his team?
Tennessee at Auburn (2:30 p.m., CBS): See the Vols get destroyed for the second week in a row.
TCU at Oklahoma (6 p.m., FSN): Sooners have Frogs as an amuse bouche before a four-course meal of Bear, Longhorn, Jayhawk and Wildcat.
Mississippi State at LSU (6:30 p.m., ESPN2): Game of the year! Dogs at Tigers! Oh, wait. Wrong Bulldogs. This is the team that managed a safety against Auburn.
Virginia Tech at Nebraska (7 p.m., ABC/ESPN Gameplan): Nebraska's rebuilding. Not sure what, exactly, the Hokies are doing this year.
Illinois at Penn State (7 p.m., ABC/ESPN Gameplan): JoePa extends his all-time win lead over Bobby B.
Stanford at Washington (9 p.m., FSN): Ty Willingham seals his fate with a loss to the Cardinal. Ian changes the channel when Saturday Night Live comes on.

What's not on that should be:
Got nothing really compelling this week. There's Arkansas State-Memphis (1 p.m.), if you want to hope for a strong Sun Belt team against a weakening C-USA team. New Mexico-New Mexico State (7 p.m.) for an unbalanced in-state rivalry. North Texas-Rice (4 p.m., KTXA -- Dallas market only) for a middle-road Sun Belt team against a middle-road C-USA team. Rhode Island-Boston College (noon, ESPN 360) to see Ted's team take on a patsy.

Fantasy Fakeout...

A special thanks is in order to the apparently-not-injured Chargers RB LaDanian Tomlinson. After a week of repeating the phrase, "I don't know how much I'm going to play," in the lead up to Monday's Jets game, LT proceeds to score two touchdowns and smile as though he's the paragon of health and dentistry.

LT has been nothing short of maddening for fantasy football owners this season. In week one, he runs well but scores no touchdowns. In week two, he only rushes for 26 yards and is benched because of a mysterious toe injury. He is replaced by backup burner Darren Sproles, who proceeds to rush for a gazillion yards and, like, six scores. So, here comes week three and LT keeps everyone guessing, making it seem as though one of his legs is border-line ready to be amputated. Is he going to play? Is it going to be Sproles? Will they split time?

Well, the total loser that I am, I picked Sproles and look what happens... Listen, LT, I love your Chunky Soup commercials and all but do me a favor next time: It's called 'yes' or 'no.'

Tube review

I've told you what to watch for the past few weeks. Now I'll start to Monday morning quarterback myself. So, the Week 4 review...

Worst game everybody watched: The utter collapse of anything resembling a Tennessee offense at the hands of Florida. And, for that matter, defense. Still makes me wonder what the guys at CBS are thinking when they skip over games like LSU-Auburn. (I'm probably wrong here, but wouldn't you think they have some sort of ability to switch games around, considering they do the SEC?) Close runner-up, by the way, is the Miami drubbing of Texas A&M. I know the Aggies are Big 12, but does that mean we have to waste ABC airtime?

Best game nobody saw: The Utah-Air Force Mountain West Conference matchup on Versus. This network has made enormous strides in its game coverage. I actually finding myself hoping that they start airing more than one game a week. (Which they'll start doing for Week 6.)

Totally nailed it:
East Carolina-NC State: An overtime win for the Wolfpack. Fun game to watch, but it doesn't mean that North Carolina State has arrived football-wise.
Wyoming-BYU: Don't have The Mountain, but agree with Ted's assessment that BYU is a tad overrated, despite their win.
LSU-Auburn: It was a slugfest, and certainly had me yelling for both teams. But Auburn's going to have to figure out how to score points to break even in the SEC.
Alabama-Arkansas: This game was over before the opening whistle, but something to watch in the morning.

I offer my sincere apologies:
Kansas State-Louisville: Sure, a certain reporter friend's team won. But...the Colorado overtime win over West Virginia was by far the best midweek game.
Baylor-UConn: The Bears made it a close one, but couldn't quite find a way to win.
Iowa-Pitt: Not the most exciting teams, but again a close game.
Central Florida-BC: Ted's alma mater finds an offense, defense.
Notre Dame-Michigan State: For the first time in four years (something like that) the home team wins. It's really hard to watch the Irish any more.
Wake Forest-Florida State: Sure, no touchdowns (and Bobby B. is going to have to figure that one out or make retirement plans), but I was glued to the TV most of the game. Should have mentioned it in the list to watch.

Footballish thoughts: A man can dream

A few things I'd love to see:

BCS conference realignment. I know, I know: tradition, blah blah blah. But the Pac 10, Big 10 [11] and Big East need to find a couple extra teams and play a conference championship. Suggestions: Fresno State and Boise State to the Pac 10; Notre Dame to the Big 10; Army, Navy, Florida Atlantic and Troy to the Big East. The other conferences can shake things up from there.

Sumo match between Mark Mangino and a healthy Charlie Weis. Would get better ratings than a Kansas-Notre Dame game.

Fewer bowl games. On the chopping block: the International Bowl, the Texas Bowl (they draw the Big 12's NUMBER 8 team!?!), the newly formed EagleBank [Congressional] Bowl (Navy vs. the ACC No. 9). I'm sorry, but when you're digging down to a conference's dregs, they're really not bowl-worthy.

Rank This, Sept. 22.

New rankings are out, with little movement at the top. A few things to note.

How in the world has Clemson rebounded so quickly? A little more than three weeks since getting blown out by Alabama on national television, the Tigers are back to No. 20 in the AP poll and No. 19 in the coaches poll. I swear, somebody somewhere in some position of power must really like Clemson. Since losing to Alabama, the Tigers have beaten a very mediocre NC State team and creampuffs The Citadel and South Carolina State. Puleese. Let's put them in the Chick fil a Bowl and be done with it.

Kudos to voters for ranking Boise State, Vanderbilt and TCU --- all deserving teams. I'm not saying they're all going to stay ranked, but they deserve to be right now. I'm also glad that Auburn was not penalized too harshly for losing at home to a very tough LSU team. Auburn dropped to No. 15 from No. 10.

I'd say watch out for Oklahoma State. The Cowboys are 3-0 and have cultivated a potent offensive attack. What's more, with Troy and Texas A&M up next, Okie State could be 5-0 by the time they travel to Columbia for a showdown with Missouri on Oct. 11.

Connecticut is 4-0 and receiving votes in both polls. But I fear they may have won their last game for a while. Upcoming are games against Louisville, North Carolina, West Virginia and Cincinnati.

Woe be to Georgia and that gulag of a schedule. Who knows how long their No. 3 ranking will hold? Games loom against Alabama, Tennessee, LSU, Florida and Auburn. Even the supposed "creampuffs" in that stretch, Vanderbilt, Kentucky and Georgia Tech, all are solid.

My own great depression...

How does that old "ABC Wide World of Sports" intro go? "The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat..." The phrase "agony of defeat," of course, was punctuated by that now infamous footage of some poor ski jumper biting it in a whirlwind of flailing limbs and debris. That's pretty much the feeling of every football fan in New England right now.

So here I sit, at the end of the day, upset and confused and downright angry about the Patriots' 38-13 loss to the Dolphins.

You could make the case that I have nothing to complain about... Four Patriot Super Bowls in seven years; witness to the Red Sox's breaking of the Curse of the Bambino and another World Series on top of that; a Celtics' championship; a Boston College men's hockey championship and a college football team ranked as high as No. 2 last year.

But, as a sports fan who has tasted the sweet cup of success, let me tell you what's even more bitter than losing: Losing after you've had a sustained run of success. Trust me when I tell you, there's nothing more bitter than seeing your once unbeatable team, one that had won 21 regular season games in a row, get blown out at home by the NFL's worst team.

I'm not one to believe in superstition. But I think Tom Brady's injury has cosmic meaning. Just as his rise as the Patriots QB heralded an unprecedented era of success for New England sports, I think his fall will presage exactly the opposite. The karma is gone. Brady's backup Matt Cassell is a symbol of the old, pre-Bledsoe days. He's a nobody, a clipboard holder. And he's now leading this team, a flimsy answer for a 16-game bar exam.

Maybe the Patriots will turn it around. Maybe this is the turning point that propels the Pats to another one of those magical seasons. I don't think so. I think the salad days are over and that the Pats' loss was only the beginning to a long, long winter of discontent.

What we learned: Addendum...

Overrated: Texas Tech, South Florida, Wisconsin, Fresno State, Connecticut, BYU

Underrated: Wake Forest Defense, Michigan State, Tulsa

Fine Nine: USC, Oklahoma, Florida, Georgia, LSU, Texas, Alabama, Penn State, Missouri

What we learned in high def...

Of the multitude of sportscasters/analysts out there, I'd put ESPN's Chris Spielman among the worst. He uses so much football jargon that it sounds like he's calling out military coordinates. The average person, Chris, doesn't know what a SAM linebacker, a flag-in route, a zone read or a stunt are. Still, you use these words repeatedly and in tandem with each other. No one but Peyton Manning knows what you're saying, man.

Following Mr. Spielman is ESPNU's Larry Coker. The former Miami coach brings almost no insight to the table. He might as well be your great grandfather hollering at the television. "Arrgh. Shoulda run the ball there. Arrgh." Thanks Larry. Pearls of wisdom.

Thoughts from Saturday:

Get your shots in on the Buckeyes now. Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor is going to be unstoppable in about 12-15 games. He is so strong and his strides so long that he makes everyone else look like they are stuck in the mud. It reminds me of when Reggie Bush was running the ball at USC. With a little game experience and some more muscle on that lanky frame, watch out.

Florida State is a tale of two teams. The offense is sooooo very pathetic. At home against Wake Forest, the Seminoles turned the ball over seven times and looked like a high school unit. The defense, on the other hand, can hang with any offense in the country: Florida, Missouri, Oklahoma. The question is this: Will the offense come around soon enough? My answer is no.

I'll say it again: Missouri needs to shore up its defense if it wants to compete with the elite. QB Chase Daniel also needs to find targets other than WR Jeremy Maclin. It took over 400 passing yards from Daniel for Mizzou to overcome Buffalo (Buffalo!) in the second half.

Arizona State gets a gold star for hanging in there against Georgia. The Sun Devils didn't win, but, as Jake pointed out earlier, Georgia had to expend quite a bit of energy in the victory. I thought the game's key play was when the Georgia offense converted a long third down from inside its 10 yard line in the first half.

LSU will not repeat as national champions, not with that offense. A number of teams have defenses that are at least equal to LSUs, but much better offenses: Florida, Georgia, USC, Texas and Oklahoma, to name a few.

The ACC is stacked with teams that are good but not great: North Carolina, Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech, Boston College, Miami, Florida State, Wake Forest, Clemson, Maryland. It's like a poor-man's SEC.

I wouldn't say that Brigham Young is doing it with smoke and mirrors, but I don't foresee them getting through their conference schedule unscathed. Yes, the Cougars beat Wyoming 44-0 at home Saturday. But the score sounds more impressive than the game really was as BYU had the help of six Wyoming turnovers. The Cougars have to play better if they want to beat TCU, Utah and Air Force.

Penn State is the Big Ten's best team. I have yet to see any team come close to stopping Penn State's new hybrid spread offense. The defense ain't bad either.

Hats off to Fresno State. They play anyone, anywhere and at anytime. On Saturday they traveled to the Rust Belt to take on Toledo in a night ESPNU game (a scrappy double OT win). The Toledo game came one week after their big nationally televised home glamour game against Wisconsin.

Crystal Ball rewind... A tough week for the Crystal Ball. My Troy-upsetting-Ohio-State scenario didn't play out, Florida State lost to Wake Forest and SMU didn't show any signs of offensive improvement. Bright spots: The Crystal Ball called Ball State's upset of Indiana, LSU's win and Miam's victory over Texas A&M.