On the tube: Week 5

Let's call this Blowout Week. Because it ain't gonna be pretty.

Weekly warmup: If you're looking for firepower, watch Thursday's USC-Oregon State game (8 p.m., ESPN). Still wondering how the Trojans got booted to the midweek prime time slot. For a more competitive game, see UConn at Louisville (7 p.m. Friday, ESPN2). And still waiting to see whether I'll be able to watch my Mustangs visit the Tulane Green Wave (7 p.m. Thursday, CBSC).

Top o' the morning: You who follow the ACC will want to check out North Carolina at Miami (11 a.m., ESPN2). Will the Canes continue with the fast-paced beatdown they put on Texas A&M? Are the Tar Heels finally rebuilding on the gridiron? My bet's on Miami here.

Cadets vs. the Corps: We have real soldiers against wannabe ones as Army visits Texas A&M (11:30 a.m., Versus). Two bad teams, two storied histories. I'm still waiting for the Bottom of the Barrel Bowl between perennial losers Army and SMU.

Ham sandwich time: Hurricane Ike put off the inevitable, but the butcher's bill comes due this weekend as Arkansas visits Texas (2:30 p.m., ABC). Looking at the pig sooey schedule, I'm left wondering whether they'll win another game this year.

SEC smackdown: The Crimson Tide face their toughest challenge yet, visiting Georgia (6:45 p.m., ESPN). Both teams begin to run the gauntlet of their conference schedules. Look for some major shuffling of the Top 10 after this matchup.

The rest:
Maryland at Clemson (11 a.m., ESPN Gameplan): Another Terp win could throw the ACC Atlantic into turmoil, while finally sealing the deal on the Tigers' bowl prospects.
Colorado at Florida State (2:30 p.m., ABC/ESPN): The Buffs toughed one out last week at home. The Seminoles are looking for offense.
Fresno State at UCLA (2:30 p.m., ABC/ESPN): To quote Ted Kim, "Hats off to Fresno State. They play anyone, anywhere and at any time." This week, it's off to Pasadena.
Purdue at Notre Dame (2:30 p.m., NBC): Who limps worse? Charlie Weis or his team?
Tennessee at Auburn (2:30 p.m., CBS): See the Vols get destroyed for the second week in a row.
TCU at Oklahoma (6 p.m., FSN): Sooners have Frogs as an amuse bouche before a four-course meal of Bear, Longhorn, Jayhawk and Wildcat.
Mississippi State at LSU (6:30 p.m., ESPN2): Game of the year! Dogs at Tigers! Oh, wait. Wrong Bulldogs. This is the team that managed a safety against Auburn.
Virginia Tech at Nebraska (7 p.m., ABC/ESPN Gameplan): Nebraska's rebuilding. Not sure what, exactly, the Hokies are doing this year.
Illinois at Penn State (7 p.m., ABC/ESPN Gameplan): JoePa extends his all-time win lead over Bobby B.
Stanford at Washington (9 p.m., FSN): Ty Willingham seals his fate with a loss to the Cardinal. Ian changes the channel when Saturday Night Live comes on.

What's not on that should be:
Got nothing really compelling this week. There's Arkansas State-Memphis (1 p.m.), if you want to hope for a strong Sun Belt team against a weakening C-USA team. New Mexico-New Mexico State (7 p.m.) for an unbalanced in-state rivalry. North Texas-Rice (4 p.m., KTXA -- Dallas market only) for a middle-road Sun Belt team against a middle-road C-USA team. Rhode Island-Boston College (noon, ESPN 360) to see Ted's team take on a patsy.